It's been awhile.

" If dreams are the only place I cna be with you, then give me a bed and pillow and I'll sleep forever. "

Because I had dream about you again.

Riddle me that.

Lets start over.

Because a fresh start is good.

Feeling at home much?

Well I don't feel like writing a poem today, so heres just plain writing.
Today I planned to go jog to Josh house from my cousins but i felt all lazy and what not. So I woke up at 7 am, cuz i asked her to wake me up so i can "jog" but i ended up jsut going back to sleep. woke up around 11 am went straight to the shower. I told my cousin I was going to leave, and she was all cool about it. Went to Josh house to get some clothes, but I didnt bring them with me. Cooked some big O steaks for breakfast/lunch then I got a text msg.

Her, "My grandma wants you to come over. She says she needs help on something."
Me "wtf? what?"
Her "My grandma wants you to come over she needs help."
Me "Help? on what?"
Her "wait let me go ask."
Me " okie."

couple minutes later....

Her "She needs help cleaning the turtle tank. ahahaha"
Me "wtf? why me? i don't even live there x]"
Her " I dont know. she just asked."
Me "okie, after I eat."
Her "ohh okay, ohh and I want to paint my room."
Me "yeah sure. I'll help you."

note [I didn't know she was serious about the room painting thingy.]

So i went to her house around2 but she wasnt home so instead I went to true valley and met up with her where she was pinking out paint. Ohh btw, thanks josh for the dollar, unfortunately I left mine at your house, so that dollar is yours :] anyways, I met up with her and she tells me that we were gonna paint her room -.- shet, sooo much work ahahaha

We got to her house and her grandma ask me for help, so yeah I ended up cleaning the turtle and the turtles tank. Freaking turtle was biting and scratching everywhere!!! first her dog bites me then her turtle scratch me with long and sharp nails. seriously, none of her pet likes me ahahaha afterwards it was off to her room. I had to move a whole dresser, move two beds, and a bunch of boxes. I put plastic on the carpet and painted away! Took about an hour or two to paint 2 giant walls! since she was just sitting down and I was painting -.- seriously, she a lazy bum. After we finished paint, her whole family wanted to go bowling. so we spent about 30 minutes looking for their bowling bowls and bowling shoes, cuz apparently, they like bowling so they have their own stuff x] after we raided her garage looking for the bowling balls, we went to this bowling alley at west covina, and yeah, I freaking lost -.- after that we order pizza and eat dinner :] then her uncle dropped me off to my cousins. Over all it was tiring but a fun tiring day :]

Because I do chores at your house.

A candle.

I'll light a candle for you,
tonight I'll make sure that I do.
It's been a year now,
but I still feel the sorrow,
with you being gone,
I try to act so strong.
Everytime I go to the house,
it's you that I look for,
missing your touch and scent,
but i know I'll never feel so distant,
I know your in a better place now,
but I still can't believe how?
How can you be gone?
Everynight I pray that your not alone,
and I pray that you watch over us,
So tonight is the night,
I'll light a candle in the night,
knowing that you will shine bright,
even in the darkest night.
I miss your smiles and hugs,
and the way I held your hand and bless,
and the way your fix all of out mess.
I know I wasnt there for you,
through the times in the hospital,
I just couldn't see you looking so fatal.
So tonight I'll light a candle for you,
and I want you to know,
that my love for you will always be true.

Because I am sorry, but I know you have forgiven me.

another day.

Today started lazy,
just like any other day,
everything is going everywhere,
and im standing in the middle,
looking for the right way.
As I stand there feeling idle,
the world keeps moving,
even if I'm just standing.
I stare at the clock,
feeling like everything is out of stock,
I choose a random path,
hoping to be in the right place,
I found myself in a chair,
papers on the desk and a pencil on my hand,
i sat adn thought,
thinking for answers for this test,
feeling impatient cuz I want to stand,
stand and walk to a place to rest,
and my only thought was laying on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
as I end this lazy day,
wishing that I could stay.

Because this is how my day was.

Emileen :]

So i was on aim today right,
and I randomly IMed emileen
and we had a deep conversation.
I like how she starts off with

"So I hear evelyn and angela hates you,
wanna tell me why?"

so yeah we talked and I explained everything to her,
and the weird part is, she actually understood me.
I asked her why she didn't think I was an asshole,
and she said,

"because it wasn't your fault."

then I told her that what i did made me look like an Ahole,
but she said that I didnt do it intentionally, so I shouldn't blame myself :]

ohh and then we got to talk about family stuff,
and we shared opinions and yeah, fun stuff :]

today was chill.

I love these random conversations that have good outcomes.

Because it was random.

People secretly miss me.

So, I'm back in Los Angeles :]
and im chilling at my aunts house and everyone keeeps telling me
"OMG! your still alive!"
yeah i think i get that they miss me. they just dont want to say it
ahahahaha their so cute.
anyways, im going abck to walnut tommaraw,
cuz apparently, some FAG, yes justine you fag, wants to see me :]
but i have to go to mt. sac first.

ohh and hte book i borrowed from james, that he borrowed from april,
is funny! ima finish it tonight.

Because it's been awhile.

A strand.

She fell down defeated,
anywhere she looked,
only reminded her of how she was hooked,
so she got up and stood tall,
only thinking of ways to make him fall.
but only found herself on the floor,
facing the ground,
listening to the hopeless sound,
but there in her heart she found,
the last love in a form of a strand,
tied to her heart and soul,
with him in the other end,
offering his hand,
just to help her stand,
with everything together
all tied up in one strand.

Because she kept pushing away.

It started witha bubble.

Today was great,
Unclewis got through the surgery with flying colors :]
and now Justine has to take care of him.
but dont worry, i'll come by early in the morning assist.

and ohh! orphan was good movie.
goodnight.

Here I am wondering,
how I came back running,
to you I was always walking,
but now my heart is pounding,
i try to catch my breath,
but the oxygen around you felt different,
its filled with unexplainable compliments,
that just make me fall into unpredictable events.

Because it's not a lie, dream, or fantasy.

Because you hated me, but found a way to accept me again.

a Moto.

i know i havent been the nicest person around you.
and i know that i can't say much to change your mind.
You probably don't trust me,
and most likely you want none of me.
but, the only thing i can offer you is this,
a quote that always understood me.

" It's better to hurt someone with honesty,
than hurt them by pretending to be happy. "

Because it feels like a salt water room.

Ironic.

One thing that I always ask a a person that likes me or just a friend is this,
why do you like me? or Why do do you think I'm a nice friend?
their response,
"Because you always put others before you."

i didn't make that up, and im not bragging.
but, for you to say that to me, it must be true, right?
cuz you wouldn't lie to a "bestfriend" right?
cuz right now, i believe that a,
"dimwitted asshole" wouldn't put others before himself.
well guess what, you may think that what you say to me affects me,
but no, i dont need to read anything to let me know how you feel,
cuz apparently, i already know. i know what you went through,
and please, stop making this about you and me, cuz that part,
was long gone. i dont want to be a *itch, but yeah, grow up.
and for you to say that i never tried to fix things with you,
one word. "wow"
so guess what? im sick of trying. i never gave up on someone before,
and i never intended to, but you just pushed your luck.
I appriciate you trying to help someone, but i dont think you really wanted to help,
i think you were just looking for someone you can relate.
sorry. but i tried so many times, and this is what you do to me.
and its funny how you can lie to your actual bestfriend
and make me look like a total asshole to mine.

Because you make mountains out of mole hills.

Happiness isn't easy.

" The road to happiness is not simple, smooth, or happy, its filled with sorrow, regret, sadness, guilt, and all these other horrible things."

- JoJo

because even through the rough road, a smooth place awaits.

" Religion is not what defines your beliefs,
Your belief sis what defines your religion. "

- JoJo.

People secretly hate me.

" hi. i’ve been reading all your tumblrs and i can relate to what you’re
going through; the never ending cycle of tears, the extreme hurt you must feel.
after i was updated about what happened, i was like ‘holy shit. i knew this
would happen.’ i knew you guys were close. i js wna let you know that you’re not
alone when it comes to feeling this way. even ask april - i had it baaad. i’d
come to class, and even my teachers could tell something was wrong. it’s the
worst feeling in the world. i know you just get tired of hearing this, but he’s
not worth your tears. that dimwitted asshole thinks he’s all that and that he
can play a heart as sweet as yours doesn’t deserve ANYTHING from you. you’re
sooo much better than that and you shouldn’t be wasting your time moping around
for someone who fucks you over like that. eventually, you’ll find someone who
brings out the best of you. i may not really know what’s going on, but i js hate
reading how sad you are in your posts. so please. stop wasting your time and
effort in someone so utterly and completely worthless. because evelyn, honey,
you deserve a top notch guy who doesn’t act like an immature little bastard.
someone who can take care of you, and will watch out for you, just how your
significant other is supposed to be doing.

i love you evelyn. and even if we don’t talk as much as we used to, i’ll be
here for you even if you don’t need it. chus now, maybe i can have someone who
can finally relate to how i felt post-“him” and i wouldn’t want anyone to go
through worse than what i felt. "

"It's funny how you can grow away from your friends, when just a few years ago they were the most important people in your life."

Now I can see how pain can blind us from something we use to know that was great.

"Flaws are what makes a person human, Perfection is what makes God."

- JoJo and Rhio.

Because its funny how people can be so plastic around you.

thank you my b-fraaaan! aka itlog aka rhio :] for understanding. everything.

What happened?

I thought with you I can stay true,
but here I am with feelings that has no clue.
I'm slowling drifting from you,
and its not you I blame,
its me always doing the same.
I miss those Good Mornings everyday,
times where we talk even if there's nothing to say.
I miss the time we werent like this,
but here I am, stuck, with nothing to do, but reminisce.
Please tell me im wrong,
and tell me that our friendship is strong,
but all i got now is our old Song,
telling me our friendship didnt held that long.

Because it doesn't feel like Bestfriends.

I won't go anywhere, I promise.

Im sorry.
You dont deserve to wait,
because I'm always gonna be late.
Don't act like your waiting in line,
so just keep drinking the wine,
There's no point if you wait.
because I'm just another bad trait.

I know its hard,
I trully do,
but this is not a dream,
I can asure you,
everythin is true.

I'm gone and your alone.
Now all we have is the phone.
I left with no tracks,
because its hard to look back,
seeing you so down,
wishing to take you out of town,
but here I am,
making you wait,
so please, dont,
because I'm always gonna be late.

So many lines left un-read,
but maybe its better,
if we leave it as dead.
You thought you could read me,
but only see that it can't be,

I know your stuck,
and I'm out of luck,
It feels like getting hit by a truck,
in my life you felt like getting plucked.
but here I am again.
and with me i brought the rain,
and made you feel this horrible pain,
so please dont wait,
cuz' im just gonna be late.

Because I never wrote you one.

Basketball fun?

the day went by fast,
everything becoming a past.
waiting for to bus,
so that I and you can be us.

As i make my way to your house,
walking in this heat,
listening to my heart beat,
your voice making sweet beats.
inside me i feel excited,
because i know i'll be with you in a bit.

you open your door,
and welcomed me in,
i sat on the floor,
as we watch t.v.
feeling as if it was a drive-in.

i asked you to come,
and hang with me,
because its you,
i want to see.

we played ball,
laughed with them all,
telling you to stall,
and told you to call.

we won three games,
and its you to blame.
thank you because you came,
and everything wasnt the same.

today was great,
so many things to relate.
and so many debates,
but its good we ended late

Because I suck at writing poems about my day.

A balloon for you.

I wake up with a smile.
even if the distance is like a mile.
It's you i think of when i awake,
and you i dream of when i sleep.

I feel so happy knowing your mine,
and i just cant get you off my mind.
I never felt comfort this way,
until the day you sway my way.
and left me speechless,
with nothing to say.

Every night feels so right.
being on the phone,
never feeling alone.
even in my sleep i know your there.
because in my mind your everywhere.

i stay awake for hours,
just to talk to you,
i try to stay awake,
because there nothing more i want to do,
but listen to your voice and be there with to you.


Because it's like a rubix cube.

the valley.

Today was dope.
I woke up at like 11am, texted panget goodmorning cuz i havent done that in ages :]
anyways, I went down to the valley and chilled at my cousins pad.
ended up watching abasketball game at kennedy highschool.
st.gens lost :/ by like 4 points i think.
then after the game went to jamba juice and got me a strawberries wild :D
then went back tot he cousins house, and got dressed to play ball :]
went to st.gens to play ball with some people.
during the game...
[x] got me a cut on my palm.
[x] got injured
[x] fell on my ass
[x] made some awesome moves >:D
[x] and won the game

after the basketball game, my shirt was all bleeding cuz i kept grabbing my shirt with my hand that had the cut and was bleeding.
then after that we played "Ultimate Ninja" which is actually just ninja o.o
then my cousin came by and picked me up and we went to providence high school down at burbank and watch another basketball game x] this time st. gens won :D
they made the other team forfeit cuz they didnt make any basket on the 1st half ahahaha
my cousins got drunk, adn started yelling and saying random shits in the benches x]
they even cheered for teh wrong team ahahaha
then after that i was hungry and kept telling my cousin to go abck home so i can change but she wont so i had to wear my bloody shirt the whole dam night.
we went to wienerschitzel o.o sp. and got me 4 chilli cheese dogs adn 2 chilli cheese fries :D
YUM!!!!
then went toa hookah bar which was chill.
then went back home.
checked my phone and got 10 missed calls o.o
then accidently called emileens phone and her mom picked up,
saying "do you know what time it is?"
then i hung up adn now ima take a shower :D

good day it was chill :]

Nervous.

I'm nervous.
My name isn't in the graduation program!
and I'm suppose to br graduating on stage
but they didn't put my freaking name on the program!
I'm afraid of going to the gradaution ceremony
and sitting there while they call everyone elses name
and not MINE!
fhack! xD
i should find out whether they will call my name tommaraw :]