A letter to your crush.
Hey you, You probably don't have any idea that I have a crush on you and that's fine. I'd like to keep it that way. Until now, I'm still not used to saying the word crush. I never fully understood what it meant because I'm more used to saying "I like her" or "I think she's cute." But never "I have a crush on her." But anyways, you're very cute. I used to have strong feelings for you but as time past, they disappeared. We became distant in a sense of communication, but our friendship still remained. I think that's the best part about you, even though we don't talk as much or see each other as much anymore, we can still be close if we ever do talk or see each other again. You're my crush, and it's gonna stay that way. I miss you a lot. We told each other we'd hangout before you leave but I guess finding time was really complicated when I prioritize other things before you. I just hope that you're doing okay wherever you are now. And I hope you have a safe trip back here. I guess you're the closest thing I got to a "crush" because honestly, there's no feelings involve here. I just simply find it amazing spending time with you. Well at least before. You're very chill, funny, and lame. Which makes your company quite wonderful.
With every word,
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Day 1
A letter to your best-friend(s)
Well I have four best-friends which makes this a very long letter I guess.
First of all, You all know who you are so no names here.
Hey you. You're my oldest, and very first bestfriend. I never told you this but I never believed in this whole bestfriends kind of thing until you came along. I guess when I was growing up, I was never really close to anyone. Like I never shared secrets with anyone until you opened up to me. You've done so much for me in these past six years now I believe. You've helped me get through my darkest moments, sheltered me when I had no place to go, fed me when I was starving, and loved me when everyone I cared about abandoned me. We have so many fun memories that seems to be the highlights of my life. You never fail to show me that you're grateful to have me as your bestfriend. I think that's what makes us connect. It's like we developed this understanding for one another. Like we could just look at each other and know what the other person is thinking. I know it sounds cliche, but shit is actually real. I just want to say I appreciate everything you and your family has done for me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't be where I am today. True story. I'd write more but, I don't think this blog has enough room for all the memories we shared and plan on sharing. Love you bestfriend. By the way, you're my decision making bestfriend. :]
Well, this is easy. You're my best man. The only guy I actually consider not only as a bestfriend, but a brother. I know we're not blood brothers but, fuck, the shit we've been through, we're closer than blood brothers. Thanks for always looking after me. Thanks for sheltering me, feeding me, entertaining me, and being gay with me. NO HOMO! Hopefully we don't drift apart like last time. You're my option guy. You provide me with options when it comes to my problems. You lay out the options I can take and then I talk to your girlfriend to help chose the decision. Thanks for everything Bro.
Hahahaha well, hello there best. You, you're my motivation bestfriend. Yes, all four of you serves a specific purpose in my life. And you, you criticize me so much that I want to do better. You're not afraid to speak your mind which entertains me the most. I guess none of you bitches are not afraid to criticize me but you, you do it so often -__- But in all seriousness, you're one of the strongest person I know. You've endured so much in just 19 years of living. And what a wonderful child you gave this world :] My Godchild is truly a blessing. I know you're gonna be a great mother because you have such wonderful bestfriends and family to support you. Keep your head up and stay optimistic. Love you best. <3
So, you. You're the one who've seen me in my worst state when it came to relationship problems. You're the person I go to for reassurance. The person I go to for support when I make the decision, telling me that I made the right choice. You're my second voice in my head that tells me everything is gonna be alright. You're the person I call when some shit goes wrong in my life because I know you're still up trying to fix your shit. And honestly, you're the best-friend that stood by me when all hell broke loose in my life. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. All the wrong things I did. I know it's all in the past but I want you to know that I don't regret any of it. I loved you then, and I love you now. I' am very thankful that we made up and got back to our more open friendship. Thanks for everything best-friend. :]
So, all you four people have made several major changes in my life. I honestly could say that losing one of you will leave a void in my life that cannot be filled by anyone else. You guys help me put together this new Ryanne that I am today. You guys were always there to point out the mistakes that I have made in my past and ensured that I do not repeat them in my future. You guys are my foundation and source of stability. I know I haven't been spending with you guys as much as I use to, but the best thing about you four, is that no matter how many years go by, even if we see each other once a month, we stay close as if time hasn't passed at all. To my bestfriends. May we never change for worse, but only for the best.
- With every word,
Well I have four best-friends which makes this a very long letter I guess.
First of all, You all know who you are so no names here.
Hey you. You're my oldest, and very first bestfriend. I never told you this but I never believed in this whole bestfriends kind of thing until you came along. I guess when I was growing up, I was never really close to anyone. Like I never shared secrets with anyone until you opened up to me. You've done so much for me in these past six years now I believe. You've helped me get through my darkest moments, sheltered me when I had no place to go, fed me when I was starving, and loved me when everyone I cared about abandoned me. We have so many fun memories that seems to be the highlights of my life. You never fail to show me that you're grateful to have me as your bestfriend. I think that's what makes us connect. It's like we developed this understanding for one another. Like we could just look at each other and know what the other person is thinking. I know it sounds cliche, but shit is actually real. I just want to say I appreciate everything you and your family has done for me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't be where I am today. True story. I'd write more but, I don't think this blog has enough room for all the memories we shared and plan on sharing. Love you bestfriend. By the way, you're my decision making bestfriend. :]
Well, this is easy. You're my best man. The only guy I actually consider not only as a bestfriend, but a brother. I know we're not blood brothers but, fuck, the shit we've been through, we're closer than blood brothers. Thanks for always looking after me. Thanks for sheltering me, feeding me, entertaining me, and being gay with me. NO HOMO! Hopefully we don't drift apart like last time. You're my option guy. You provide me with options when it comes to my problems. You lay out the options I can take and then I talk to your girlfriend to help chose the decision. Thanks for everything Bro.
Hahahaha well, hello there best. You, you're my motivation bestfriend. Yes, all four of you serves a specific purpose in my life. And you, you criticize me so much that I want to do better. You're not afraid to speak your mind which entertains me the most. I guess none of you bitches are not afraid to criticize me but you, you do it so often -__- But in all seriousness, you're one of the strongest person I know. You've endured so much in just 19 years of living. And what a wonderful child you gave this world :] My Godchild is truly a blessing. I know you're gonna be a great mother because you have such wonderful bestfriends and family to support you. Keep your head up and stay optimistic. Love you best. <3
So, you. You're the one who've seen me in my worst state when it came to relationship problems. You're the person I go to for reassurance. The person I go to for support when I make the decision, telling me that I made the right choice. You're my second voice in my head that tells me everything is gonna be alright. You're the person I call when some shit goes wrong in my life because I know you're still up trying to fix your shit. And honestly, you're the best-friend that stood by me when all hell broke loose in my life. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. All the wrong things I did. I know it's all in the past but I want you to know that I don't regret any of it. I loved you then, and I love you now. I' am very thankful that we made up and got back to our more open friendship. Thanks for everything best-friend. :]
So, all you four people have made several major changes in my life. I honestly could say that losing one of you will leave a void in my life that cannot be filled by anyone else. You guys help me put together this new Ryanne that I am today. You guys were always there to point out the mistakes that I have made in my past and ensured that I do not repeat them in my future. You guys are my foundation and source of stability. I know I haven't been spending with you guys as much as I use to, but the best thing about you four, is that no matter how many years go by, even if we see each other once a month, we stay close as if time hasn't passed at all. To my bestfriends. May we never change for worse, but only for the best.
- With every word,
Take Hint.
I guess I may have over reacted, but I have every reason to. Honestly, I've never been this patient with a woman before. I've never tried this hard for any woman in my life before. I've always had my ways when it came to relationships. I had control. I manipulated everything into favoring me and benefiting me the most. But when it came to us, I was shit. I was weak and stupid. It took me a while to realize that. I mean, I allowed myself to fall, to lower my guard down, to try something different, to step out of my comfort zone. And I guess after I showed you that, you somewhat took advantage of it. Who wouldn't? I mean, I used to that with every girl I went out with. I took advantage of their vulnerability. I guess this is me saying that I finally, finally truly understood how they all felt when I took advantage of their vulnerability. So last night, I was annoyed. Actually no, I was mad. But I'm good at hiding things. I didn't want to cause a scene and ruin everyone's night. But I guess you just pushed me to my limit. I've been patient with your sorry(s), your it's my fault, and your I won't do it again kind of stuff. I believe in your empty words and broken promises for quite a while until I couldn't take it anymore.
I mean, seriously. I don't mean to rub this on your face, but, I do so much for you, your friends, and our relationship. I always handled everything, fixed everything, and took care of everything. When your friends had problems, I was there. I was there to take care of them because I know how much they mean to you. When you family was sad, I was there to try and shine some optimism in their mind. When you're afraid to confront our problems, I was their to apologize just so we can get over our arguments. And when our relationship runs into a huge obstacle, I was there to understand it and find a way to over come it. But last night, you showed me that my effort was worthless to you. I know we're not together, officially, and I have no say in anything you do, but it wouldn't hurt to take into account what the other person says or do. I didn't like the fact that you took the liberty of offering my services without even consulting me first. And the fact that I tried to cook for that party, went there early to help out even when I didn't have to, it pissed me off when you said 'You're not gonna drink because I told kuya you're driving later when they get drunk. So we're gonna drink and you stay sober." Yeah, if you would have asked nicely, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But no, you just went ahead and planned my night for me without me knowing about it. Shitty move you made there. Next, when you go to a party with your so called "partner" it wouldn't hurt to tell me that you're gonna leave to go somewhere. I wasn't far from you for you not to be able to say anything. And the shitty part is, you were with him. I mean, I don't give a rats ass if you spend time with him or talk to him, but the fact that you undermined me, and left me hanging not knowing what you were doing, shitty move right there. And when I asked where you were, don't play around like a dumb little girl. Don't tell me secret when we both know who you were with. And when I confront you, don't even try to hide anything. kthanks. Another thing is that, when your friends are there, the way you treat me, it's like wow. Do you even know me? Why the hell are you so distant when your friends are there? And when he's there, why do you worry so much about getting to close to me? I mean we talked about this a million times. You wrote a post about this. But I see that those words were empty words again. Fancy words with no meaning. And the shitty part is, when you were left alone cooking, I took the time to stay with you and keep you company. I help you out so you can finish faster so we can enjoy the party together like a couple but what happened? When it came to the last part of the dish, I asked you to come with me and just keep me company while I cook, and you sit and mope in front of me as if you're bored as hell. Well, sorry for wanting to your company for a few minutes. Another thing is, don't ever, disrespect me in front of your boys. Don't ever undermine me in front of your friends. And don't you dare let your friend shove me on the side just so I don't see what you and him are doing. That's what pissed me off the most actually, when the shoved came along when all I wanted was to go tot he restroom and you and him were in line, one of your friends shoved me and stalled me so I don't see what you two are doing or hear what you two are talking about. And you know what sucks the most? Is that I always have to ask for your attention. When I see you sitting alone, I sit next to you, when you see me sitting by myself, you walk past me as if you don't notice me. By the way, thanks for taking care of me last night. I mean, I was driving you guys home, and you knew I drank, but you couldn't help me sober up while you offered everyone water so they can sober up? I mean, if I didn't ask you if I can get some of your water, you wouldn't offer it to me. I don't care if your mad at me. But when your life depends on my ability to drive you home, try to show that you care how I feel when I start to drive. Your life was on my hands,I risked getting a DIU by driving drunk. I did that because I know that I was in a better state than your brother's friend. I'm doing so much for you. All I ask is that you do the same. I'm not weighing the efforts we both put in in this relationship, but honestly, I can't help but wonder if you're even trying. All i want is that you follow through with your words. Don't change your attitude towards me when your friends are there. Because if that's the case, I'd rather not go out with you and your friends. I'd rather just hangout with you if that's the only time you're ever gonna be close to me. You're so freaking distant when your friends are around. It's like, one moment we're inseparable, the next moment you're so distant as if we're strangers. Don't be a two-face. Our relationship isn't a secret. Everyone knows. So for the love of God, stop pretending you're not sweet when your friends are around.
So, with all this being said, I just want to add that I'm tired. I'm tired of always the one trying to fix things, always the one putting the effort to solve our problems. I'm tired of finding ways to make this relationship stronger and last longer. So, I'm telling you here, now, do something. Show me that change your so insecure to express. I hope you find a way to get out of your comfort zone and try to fix this. I'll meet you half way when you actually try. If you leave this alone, then I'm right. I wasted my time. But the experiences and memories were wonderful. No regrets. So, I hope you find the courage to fix this. It'd be such a waste to let it all end here.
"Nobody ever said it would be easy, they just promised it'll be worth it."
"Just show me you're trying and you appreciate everything, and I'm all yours."
With ever word,
I mean, seriously. I don't mean to rub this on your face, but, I do so much for you, your friends, and our relationship. I always handled everything, fixed everything, and took care of everything. When your friends had problems, I was there. I was there to take care of them because I know how much they mean to you. When you family was sad, I was there to try and shine some optimism in their mind. When you're afraid to confront our problems, I was their to apologize just so we can get over our arguments. And when our relationship runs into a huge obstacle, I was there to understand it and find a way to over come it. But last night, you showed me that my effort was worthless to you. I know we're not together, officially, and I have no say in anything you do, but it wouldn't hurt to take into account what the other person says or do. I didn't like the fact that you took the liberty of offering my services without even consulting me first. And the fact that I tried to cook for that party, went there early to help out even when I didn't have to, it pissed me off when you said 'You're not gonna drink because I told kuya you're driving later when they get drunk. So we're gonna drink and you stay sober." Yeah, if you would have asked nicely, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But no, you just went ahead and planned my night for me without me knowing about it. Shitty move you made there. Next, when you go to a party with your so called "partner" it wouldn't hurt to tell me that you're gonna leave to go somewhere. I wasn't far from you for you not to be able to say anything. And the shitty part is, you were with him. I mean, I don't give a rats ass if you spend time with him or talk to him, but the fact that you undermined me, and left me hanging not knowing what you were doing, shitty move right there. And when I asked where you were, don't play around like a dumb little girl. Don't tell me secret when we both know who you were with. And when I confront you, don't even try to hide anything. kthanks. Another thing is that, when your friends are there, the way you treat me, it's like wow. Do you even know me? Why the hell are you so distant when your friends are there? And when he's there, why do you worry so much about getting to close to me? I mean we talked about this a million times. You wrote a post about this. But I see that those words were empty words again. Fancy words with no meaning. And the shitty part is, when you were left alone cooking, I took the time to stay with you and keep you company. I help you out so you can finish faster so we can enjoy the party together like a couple but what happened? When it came to the last part of the dish, I asked you to come with me and just keep me company while I cook, and you sit and mope in front of me as if you're bored as hell. Well, sorry for wanting to your company for a few minutes. Another thing is, don't ever, disrespect me in front of your boys. Don't ever undermine me in front of your friends. And don't you dare let your friend shove me on the side just so I don't see what you and him are doing. That's what pissed me off the most actually, when the shoved came along when all I wanted was to go tot he restroom and you and him were in line, one of your friends shoved me and stalled me so I don't see what you two are doing or hear what you two are talking about. And you know what sucks the most? Is that I always have to ask for your attention. When I see you sitting alone, I sit next to you, when you see me sitting by myself, you walk past me as if you don't notice me. By the way, thanks for taking care of me last night. I mean, I was driving you guys home, and you knew I drank, but you couldn't help me sober up while you offered everyone water so they can sober up? I mean, if I didn't ask you if I can get some of your water, you wouldn't offer it to me. I don't care if your mad at me. But when your life depends on my ability to drive you home, try to show that you care how I feel when I start to drive. Your life was on my hands,I risked getting a DIU by driving drunk. I did that because I know that I was in a better state than your brother's friend. I'm doing so much for you. All I ask is that you do the same. I'm not weighing the efforts we both put in in this relationship, but honestly, I can't help but wonder if you're even trying. All i want is that you follow through with your words. Don't change your attitude towards me when your friends are there. Because if that's the case, I'd rather not go out with you and your friends. I'd rather just hangout with you if that's the only time you're ever gonna be close to me. You're so freaking distant when your friends are around. It's like, one moment we're inseparable, the next moment you're so distant as if we're strangers. Don't be a two-face. Our relationship isn't a secret. Everyone knows. So for the love of God, stop pretending you're not sweet when your friends are around.
So, with all this being said, I just want to add that I'm tired. I'm tired of always the one trying to fix things, always the one putting the effort to solve our problems. I'm tired of finding ways to make this relationship stronger and last longer. So, I'm telling you here, now, do something. Show me that change your so insecure to express. I hope you find a way to get out of your comfort zone and try to fix this. I'll meet you half way when you actually try. If you leave this alone, then I'm right. I wasted my time. But the experiences and memories were wonderful. No regrets. So, I hope you find the courage to fix this. It'd be such a waste to let it all end here.
"Nobody ever said it would be easy, they just promised it'll be worth it."
"Just show me you're trying and you appreciate everything, and I'm all yours."
With ever word,
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