Day 1

A letter to your best-friend(s)

Well I have four best-friends which makes this a very long letter I guess.
First of all, You all know who you are so no names here.

Hey you. You're my oldest, and very first bestfriend. I never told you this but I never believed in this whole bestfriends kind of thing until you came along. I guess when I was growing up, I was never really close to anyone. Like I never shared secrets with anyone until you opened up to me. You've done so much for me in these past six years now I believe. You've helped me get through my darkest moments, sheltered me when I had no place to go, fed me when I was starving, and loved me when everyone I cared about abandoned me. We have so many fun memories that seems to be the highlights of my life. You never fail to show me that you're grateful to have me as your bestfriend. I think that's what makes us connect. It's like we developed this understanding for one another. Like we could just look at each other and know what the other person is thinking. I know it sounds cliche, but shit is actually real. I just want to say I appreciate everything you and your family has done for me. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't be where I am today. True story. I'd write more but, I don't think this blog has enough room for all the memories we shared and plan on sharing. Love you bestfriend. By the way, you're my decision making bestfriend. :]

Well, this is easy. You're my best man. The only guy I actually consider not only as a bestfriend, but a brother. I know we're not blood brothers but, fuck, the shit we've been through, we're closer than blood brothers. Thanks for always looking after me. Thanks for sheltering me, feeding me, entertaining me, and being gay with me. NO HOMO! Hopefully we don't drift apart like last time. You're my option guy. You provide me with options when it comes to my problems. You lay out the options I can take and then I talk to your girlfriend to help chose the decision. Thanks for everything Bro.

Hahahaha well, hello there best. You, you're my motivation bestfriend. Yes, all four of you serves a specific purpose in my life. And you, you criticize me so much that I want to do better. You're not afraid to speak your mind which entertains me the most. I guess none of you bitches are not afraid to criticize me but you, you do it so often -__- But in all seriousness, you're one of the strongest person I know. You've endured so much in just 19 years of living. And what a wonderful child you gave this world :] My Godchild is truly a blessing. I know you're gonna be a great mother because you have such wonderful bestfriends and family to support you. Keep your head up and stay optimistic. Love you best. <3

So, you. You're the one who've seen me in my worst state when it came to relationship problems. You're the person I go to for reassurance. The person I go to for support when I make the decision, telling me that I made the right choice. You're my second voice in my head that tells me everything is gonna be alright. You're the person I call when some shit goes wrong in my life because I know you're still up trying to fix your shit. And honestly, you're the best-friend that stood by me when all hell broke loose in my life. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. All the wrong things I did. I know it's all in the past but I want you to know that I don't regret any of it. I loved you then, and I love you now. I' am very thankful that we made up and got back to our more open friendship. Thanks for everything best-friend. :]

So, all you four people have made several major changes in my life. I honestly could say that losing one of you will leave a void in my life that cannot be filled by anyone else. You guys help me put together this new Ryanne that I am today. You guys were always there to point out the mistakes that I have made in my past and ensured that I do not repeat them in my future. You guys are my foundation and source of stability. I know I haven't been spending with you guys as much as I use to, but the best thing about you four, is that no matter how many years go by, even if we see each other once a month, we stay close as if time hasn't passed at all. To my bestfriends. May we never change for worse, but only for the best.

- With every word,

I hate you too :]

Well, I don't know if you really like annoying me on purpose, or you're really just annoying >:]

Hehehe just kidding. Well, I'm bored and I don't know what to do so I'm just gonna write something random here.

I remember I asked you about your journal topic and you that it was about you having to write about yourself, no specific topic, just anything you wanted to write about yourself, so this letter here I guess, will not be about yourself :P I don't know what this is going to be about but just shut up and read, okie? :]

First of all, I just wanted to say that I love you. I know it is too soon, and things are going by so fast for the both of us but I guess this is how it is when you don;t try to control your feelings. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything that I've done in the past few weeks. I know it hasn't been easy for the both of us, but trust me, I'm trying. I'm my hardest to make us work, to make us happy, even if it means I have to swallow my pride every single time we get into an argument. I'm not used to losing arguments specially when it comes to relationships, so I apologize for always trying to manipulate things into benefiting me. I know it is unfair for you but sometimes, you need to learn the hard way. It's not always easy for me to show you your mistakes, I know we're not perfect, but if we don't address our problems sooner, it'll just escalade into something that can ruin us big time, and I don't ever want that to happen to us. Look, I know we've had several disagreements in the past few weeks, but we always got through them. We've broken promises left and right, we've under appreciated each other's efforts, we've said hurtful things to each other, we've made selfish decisions, and worst of all, we've made each other cry even if one of them was on purpose. But even through all these problems, we always fix things before we go to sleep. I think that's our strong point. We can't end a day without us being happy with each other. We can't go to bed mad at each other, which I think, personally, is one of the few things that makes this relationship work. I think that there are a lot of misunderstandings in this relationship, which is normal because we are still getting to know each other and we are still making adjustment in order to please on another. I don't want you to think that for the rest of our relationship, we're always gonna be arguing or fighting. Because trust me, I would much rather be happy with you than argue with you. So, that's me apologizing for reacting in a irrational way towards certain things that shouldn't even be a big deal.

I just want you to know how thankful I am to have you in my life, Honestly, you bring out the best in me. I've notice several things in my life that's change for the better. I'll give you the examples later on when we're talking person. But for now, all i can tell you is that, I am no longer the guy I used to be back when I was in relationships with other girls. I guess this is me saying that I am really serious about us. I mean, honestly, we have everything that I've been looking for in a relationship. We don't have to keep it a secret from your family, which I'm still really glad so that I don't have to hide anything from your parents when I spend time with them. I get along so well with your friends. They are very welcoming when it comes to me which I guess made me like our relationship even more. The whole near-distance relationship is something new for me, which Im still trying to get used to because I'm not used to seeing the girl I like everyday. Lols. Hopefully I don't get bored of you easily >:P just keeding :] Well, like I said a thousand times to you, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I know it's not easy for you to be with me but, thank you for sticking around and still trying up to now. Thank you for introducing me to your wonderful friends who cares deeply for the both of us. Thank you for taking the time to go out of the way jus to see me, sometimes when you're not lazy :P Thank you for all the times you fed me breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even though you really suck at cooking >:P Lols. Just keeeeding :] And Thank you for making me happy. I haven't been this happy in so long until you gave me chance. For some reason, I'm happiest when I'm next to you. If I had the choice, I'd be with you all the time, and you know that. But I think we both need to have a life outside our relationship, it's the only way for us to never get bored with one another. So, please, please, please, please, understand, just because I'm busy doesn't mean I don't love you. I'm always gonna be thinking about you at the beginning of the day and at the end of the night. You're always gonna be on my mind, even if I'm busy. Life will always find a way to remind me of you, that's what's great about it. I can never get the chance to forget about you. :]

So yeah, one more thing. I know we're having trust issues at the moment and I'd like to fix that. So remind me next time we see each other to discuss that. Someone once told me that, "You lose love, but never trust." I think that this makes sense because you can't love someone you don't trust. I'm sorry if I seem rather distrustful at times, but believe me when I say that I trust you :] I see how much this relationship means to you and how you wouldn't do anything to sabotage it. And I am thankful to have someone who cares so much about me. There's so many things I want to say here, but I don't think I'll ever be finished in time for you to read this, so I'll stop here.

Thank you for giving the chance to show you and myself that I can love someone unconditionally. It's the best thing I've done so far in ay relationship I've been in. So I am very lucky to have you. Thank you for being in my life and continuing to stay. :] <3

"If you really love her, like really really love her, then making sacrifices shouldn't be hard, it should be the easiest thing in your life because if you really love her, like really really love her, then you should be able to do anything for her, because that's what love is, having the ability to make compromises for one another in order for the two to be happy as one."

Oh, and wag na wag mo akong gagaguhin dahil alam ko kung san ka nakatira at kung san ka nagaaral. tatambakan kita ng hugasin mo letse ka :] <3

- Ryanne

1/29/2012.

It's the Idea.

It’s like you come up with this idea. An idea that is so amazing that you can’t stop thinking about it. You keep thinking about it so much, you realize you’re in love with this idea you created. So you try to make this idea into something more real, and to do that you need to apply this idea into the real world. So you try and try and try to make it real and finally, you do. You managed to turn this idea into reality. You live this idea, thinking that nothing can possibly go wrong because in your head this idea was so perfect, even a slight fault did not exist with it. You start thinking that you’re in love with this reality you have created for yourself only to watch it crumble into tiny little pieces of what you expected it to be. That’s when you realize that your biggest mistake is turning that idea into reality, assuming that everything would be perfect because in your head that idea was the most perfect thing that ever existed in this world. And finally, after realizing that this reality you set out for yourself was not the same as your idea, you begin to hurt people around you. You begin to hurt yourself for being so foolish. And in the end, after everything you expected to achieve, the only thing that was truly real was the fact that it wasn’t reality you were so in love with, nor was it the idea you thought of. But it was the idea of turning your idea into reality that you were so in love with.

You won’t realize the true potential of an Idea if you never set it out to be real.

With every word.

Just another night.

We all talk of happiness as something we all want in life. But most of the time, when happiness is near our grasps, we bitch out and pull our hands back out of reach. We simply don’t take the chance to grab hold of that happiness because we are so frightened of what could happen if we reach for it. Well, the dumbest thing we can ever do in life is probably pull away from something we really want. I mean, think about. We spend most of our time complaining how life sucks, how life is a bitch then you die, or how life is so unfair, but truth is, we bring all these shitty feelings upon ourselves. We keep blaming life for everything that’s wrong with our life, but in the end, it’s only us to blame. And one of the main reasons we feel shitty is because of our fear to grab hold of what can truly make us happy. I mean, yeah, some people are brave enough to chase after what makes them happy even if they make a fool of themselves but others stay back like cowards, hiding from what can bring them that sunshine in their dark, cloudy life. I envy those who chase after their dreams, their bliss, their happiness. Those people are the reason why others try to continue on with their shitty life, hoping that one day they can muster up enough courage to chase after their own happiness. And what I’ve learn these past few weeks is that, When you want something, grab it. Reach for it. Go after it even if it means to make a fool of yourself. Even if you’ll have to swallow all your pride along the way, you go after it. Because in the end, the only thing you can really hold on to is what makes you happy.

Happiness is something that God himself wants us to take.

With every word,

You deserve better.

Well, I've only known you for a few months and honestly, I'm really sorry for what happened to you. I could have prevented it from getting worse but I was an idiot who didn't care then. I just wanted to tell you that you deserve better. After spending some time with you and your friends, I saw what he was missing. He's an idiot for fucking you over. I guess you're one of the few reasons that inspired me to change my ways and make a life changing decision. So, I want to take this time to say Thank You. I mean it. You're such a great person. Although you may seem lost right now, which may lead you to act like something you really are not, you're still a great person. You're a caring friend, welcoming person, and most of all, strong. You've managed to keep your ground even after all the shit you went through. I may not know the whole story but I know enough to understand how much it hurts to get fucked over by someone who you actually wanted to trust. I've been on the same boat as you, but I was the terrible person on that boat. I guess that's why I understand you when it comes to this situation. I've made my mistakes in the past and I've been spending every moment of my life trying to correct them, so far, I'm doing a great job since I'm still friends and bestfriends with most of the girls I've hurt in the past. So, what I'm trying to say is that you should stop blaming yourself for what happened. You let your guard down and he took advantage of it. You can't keep beating yourself up for what happened or else you'll never move on. You need to accept the facts and face the present with your head up and look straight ahead. You need to stop fucking around and get your act together. Because honestly, the way you're acting right now, is not so different with the way he acted when he was with you. You're hurting people left and right and I think it is unfair that you're using your own pain to justify your actions. I know it's scary to go out there again and trust but here's a friendly advice, life is a bitch. One day your happy, next day your shit. The only thing we can really do is adjust. Sometimes we need to lower our "Happiness meter" so that even when life turns to shit, we can still be happy. So you told me you need to go find yourself again, well, I'll try my best to help you. You may not trust me as well, but that doesn't mean I won't try. You're mean more to me than you think. I'm really thankful that I met you because if I didn't, I would have never met the girl that changed me for the better. So, I'll try me best to help you fulfill that New Years resolution of yours.

"Life is never simple. It demands so much, expects so much, and takes so much. But Life will never throw anything at you that you cannot handle. Because if you just keep your ground, and move forward, you'll see that Life is forgiving, caring, and loving. Because in the end, Life leads you to happiness."

With every word,

It's a little sketchy.

I'm bored so I'd like to try writing again. It's been a while, so bare with me. I'll do a better one but for now, here's 10 minutes of my time expressing my feelings.

It started off with just another day,
looking for another girl to sway.
but somehow its you who came my way,
And you changed me until this very day.

No intentions to take anything serious,
but you just can't help it,
when you're given someone precious.
Within my reach, within my grasp,
each moment with you my heart starts to collapse.

Few weeks went by,
and we've gone past saying Hi
Spent every minute talking to you,
wondering if these feelings are true.

Every move you make, every step you take,
guarantees me that this is not another mistake.
Mesmerizing feelings I cannot shake,
Feels like I'm dreaming while I'm awake.

Good vibes. Good times. Good company.
Every moment with you is a luxury.
So here's me taking the time,
To show the world what is mine.

With every word,

Doubts.

Doubts. It's probably the hardest obstacle in every relationship. I know that it's hard for you to trust me after telling you everything about my past relationships. I mean, I knew that was gonna happen after telling you about my previous relationships but I didn't care. I believe that if you really wanted to give me a chance, you'd be able to overlook my past and focus on what I'm trying to become in the present so that I can be a better person for the both of us in the future. And I know that you're trying really hard to forget about my past and simply focus on who I am today. I have to admit, I've made several mistakes in my past. I've burned so many bridges on the way to where I am today. And I know that those experiences of mine may make me seem like a terrible person but the fact that I'm trying to correct my mistakes from the past and not allow it to repeat in my present and future, I think that counts for something. I know you're having a hard time to trust me and I understand that. I understand how you're afraid of getting played and hurt. Honestly, I can't guarantee that you're not gonna get hurt, but I can guarantee that you're not gonna get played. In every relationship, there's always gonna be hurting from both sides, that's inevitable. But it's how we deal with those painful moments that will define our relationship. So if you're already getting scared before it even happens, just ask yourself, would you really be able to handle the pain when it happens? Will you be able to fix things when the situation presents itself to us? Because if you're scared now, honestly, I don't think you can. But I know your worries will disappear in time. I mean, we've only known each other for a couple of weeks and it is only normal to have trust issues, but I'm hoping that one day, you're gonna get over those trust issues of yours and be comfortable with me. And you know what, I'm always gonna keep trying to convince you that I am different from my past, even when you trust me, I'll continue to show you, because that's something you deserve to see, I want you to be comfortable with me, always. So, you can either play it safe and keep your options open, or risk it all in hope for something wonderful.

With every word,

Unexpected.

People always tend to make plans for their lives. They plan on what they're gonna do on the coming weekend, plan which college they're going to attend, plan what job they're gonna have, and basically, plan everything that they can in order to have an organized life. People plan so that they don't lost track of where they want to go in life. But sometimes, plans never go according to plan. You picture and create a perfect plan in your head and when you finally set out in reality, your plan ends up becoming an epic fail. Sometimes plans backfires and you're left with uncomfortable moments of your life because you never got use to improvising. People spend most of their lives planning, and failing, and creating back-up plans after another because their plans always ends up failing at some point. I think I've learned my lesson about planning certain things. Sometimes, it's better to just go with the flow. Ride the wave and see where it takes you and adapt to the changes it may bring to your life, whether it may be good or bad. You see, I met this girl. First time I met her she didn't even cross my mind after I saw her. She was just that girl that you notice when her friends are around or if she's around as well. I never once thought I'd plan to date her or even take her seriously until recently. I think the best about dating her is that it was unexpected. I never saw her in my future, nor did I told myself that, "I'm gonna get with her." None of those things even occurred when I met her. But the unexpected happened. One morning I woke up, and next thing you know I'm holding her hand. I guess after that scenario, things change on my end. I saw her in a whole new way. Suddenly she's this girl that I can't stop talking to day and night. Next thing I know I'm hanging out with her friends, bonding and actually getting to know them. After that, I was hooked. I think her friends made me want to get to know her even more. The fact that they welcomed me made me feel comfortable about chasing after her. Then next thing I know I'm going to parties with her friends and her. But I think what made me really interested in her is when I started going to church with her. The vibe that I get while we're at church at 5 in the morning is just mesmerizing. I feel so comfortable when I'm standing, sitting, or even kneeling beside you. I feel like one of those adult couples who goes to church every Sunday. Those are like the real, serious couples. I like that feeling. See, the thing is, I never planned for any of this to happen. The opportunities just presents themselves and I either take them or leave them. And I'm glad that I took every opportunity that was offered to me to be closer to you. And now suddenly I'm meeting your parents today? I may be shitting bricks right now but I know when I come over in a few hours, and I see you, I'll be fine. I'll be fine because I know no matter what happens, I'll still have you. And today you actually met my Mommy. You did kinda fail because you're to damn shy and she was too damn talkative about my past relationships..... Hopefully that didn't scare you away. My mother has a weird sense of humor like me. But overall, what I want to say is that, I think that the best things in life are the ones we never see coming. The ones that surprises us and actually takes our breaths away. And now, I can't stop myself from falling for you. Don't worry, this is not one of those few months thing. I know a lot of people have told us both that, those sweet moments are just in the beginning, but we'll beat the odds. I know we can. So, I end this love&adventure with this favorite quote of mine,

Life is not measured by the number of breaths, but by the moments that take our breath away.

With every word,

Heh.

I love how you breathe when you sleep. Somehow it's quite soothing.

I can get use to this feeling.

With every word,

Reasons.

Well, last night I asked her a very simple, yet complicated question.

"Why do you like me? And what made you interested in me?"

Hmm... That is quite a complicated question to answer, but on my end, I think it's quite simple. It's easy to answer because I understand why I'm chasing after you, why I'm working so hard to be with you, and why I'm trying my best to prove to everyone that this is different, that this time, I will make things right and I will make you have the answer to that question that I asked you a while back, "What is your happiest memory?"

Well, my answer to this question is not fully finished because I am barely getting to know you, but I do have a strong enough reason to actually keep on trying to be with you. One of the first reason is the way you make me feel when I'm next to you. I feel at home. Not like my house kind of home, but that whole I'm back in the Philippines kind of home. I've always longed for that feeling ever since I came to America and somehow, I get it when I'm with you and your friends. Another reason is how you smell. Whenever I'm next to you I can't help but become intoxicated by your scent. Your scent is quite soothing. It relaxes me which is why I like being next to you. Always so calm and peaceful (except when you start to pinch me like crazy). Another reason is your damn dimples. I hate how when you smile things suddenly changes from bad to good, from worse to better. Your dimples makes you so damn cute that I can't stop looking at you (I feel like a total creeper). But what I really like about you is your personality. I think that won me over. I like how your shy but very very mean when you begin to talk and tease people. I like how you can be nice and mean at the same time. I think it's quite charming. I like how you still manage to find a way to make things work even if you're in a pinch. Like how you're still willing to webcam with me even when your family is there or how you never forget to wake me up whenever I ask you too. (Hopefully that doesn't change). Best of all, I like how you changed me without even trying. I like how because of you, I want to be a better person. You brought me back to my old self, but better. You make me want to try to be a better person everyday. And the fact that you're willing to look over my past and see me for who I am today, well, only an idiot wouldn't want to be with a girl like you. And finally, before I forget, I love the way your smile just takes my nervousness and worries away. So, this is my answer for now, like I said, it's not finished because everyday, you manage to add new answers to this question.

With every word,

Reassurance.

I wish I can get more reassurance from your end. It'll probably make me feel a bit more confident about all the things that are happening right now. I hope when the time comes, you'd be able to stand up for us, even if it scares the shit out of you. Because I know when the time comes, I'd step up for the both us, even if it means going up against the world.

With every word,

Challenge Accepted.

And life just keeps getting complicated by the minute. Well where to start? I guess I'll start off with the party at long beach. It's funny how everything I wanted from the last relationship, is actually happening on the new one that I am trying to establish. The whole meeting the girl's friends and actually hanging out with them, that feeling is actually quite comforting. But I didn't really expect to be spending time with her friends with her being there as well. But it turns out, i was more than welcome into your group that I got another invite to another party at San Diego, well near San Diego. But the point is, the things that I actually wanted to experience in a relationship, is actually happening right now. So far, I passed the first test. The friends test. I guess I can say I passed that test with flying colors because all her friends seems to be rooting for me now. They finally saw how serious I am about her. Well, perhaps it is too soon to say but, I guess so far they haven't said anything bad about me, except that they think I'm a flirt because apparently, one of my friends is a flirt as well. But the good part, I'm slowly changing their minds. Well after making it through the first test, I was face with another challenge. Meeting the brother. Just when I thought things were becoming easier, life finds a way to turn things around. Apparently she has an overprotective brother, which is only natural because she is the only daughter. So the brother was pretty nice before I actually confronted him that I liked his sister. After that, things didn't go as I expected it. But it brought me somewhere else. The confrontation led to a meeting on Friday, the 23rd. Seems like the brother wants to get to know me through a drinking session. Which is not bad, but only problem is, I need to figure out how I can hang with him because apparently he drinks a lot. But that's not the only challenge now. Apparently, Friday brought another surprise, I'm meeting the parents. Well not much to say really but hopefully I don't give a bad impression. Wish me the best of luck. Friday seems to be a life changing experience.

With every word,

Firsts.

Today was different. Well, everyday is different, but I meant it as, my experience with the same situation is different. They say that when two people begin to like each other, the first few weeks are always filled with sweet talk, sweet gesture, and basically, it's a diabetic experience. But, today wasn't just filled with sweet things, today was more like reassurance. Reassurance for a long-term commitment that we're both hoping to have. Reassurance that we're not gonna end up like other people. Reassurance that giving chances and taking chances are actually worth it. Today I found that reassurance. It may not be all the reassurance I want, but it was enough to satisfy my needs to believe that this is something different. Funny thing is that I probably said that to myself so many times that this is different. But no matter how many times I say it, the meaning is still the same. It is different. I'm glad that it is. I'm glad that I'm not back in my past repeating failed relationships. I'm glad that I'm not chasing after the same thing again. And I'm glad that I have enough experience to actually prevent this one from being just another thing in my past.

With every word,

Keeping to my promise.

It's true that history has a funny way of repeating itself. I guess it was a wake up call to my inevitable nightmare. I've done things I promised my own self I wouldn't do. But sometimes, we all have our darkest moments, but that doesn't mean we should chose to stay in the dark when the light that guides finally shows up. It's the choices we make that matters. Being in a situation and allowing that situation to control your life is just like choosing to stay in the dark moments. I've suffered from the same situation in the past. But this time, I intend to make it right and not for long the time I spend in the dark. I need to find my way back, the way back to my old self. Not the exactly the same old me, but a slightly different old me. This past few weeks, I've seen what I am capable of doing. And honestly, it's not me. I guess being heart broken can change a person. Yes, I don't like admitting it but I was actually hurt. I found friends that helped me get over the pain and made bestfriends along the way to ease up the road ahead. But the easier the road got, the darker the path became. that's when the wake up call rang. It showed me that even if the road is hard, complicated and filled with struggles, it's still better than an easy dark path. So, I ask of you. Set me straight and guide me to a better me. Because quite frankly, I don't like what I've become.

With every word,

Ah,

Eventually, we all find the answers we seek.

Is it too much to ask for?

I know we were never really officially together. And that's mostly my fault because I never took the time to ask you to be my girlfriend, but those ten months of being with you, committing to you, and actually loving you actually meant something to me. I mean don't get me wrong. I probably deserve this because of what I've done in the past with my ex-girlfriends, but at least have the decency to tell me what the hell I did wrong because I seriously have no idea where I fucked up this time. To be honest, I actually tried my best-est in this relationship. I lasted ten months without the thought of leaving you. I think that's a personal best for me. But for some fucked up reason, which you never explained to me, you just decided to walk away. Shit, you said I take advantage of you and I use you.... But what I don't understand is how do I do all that? I barely see you for me to actually ask you for favors. And when I do, you usually turn me down. All I ask is that you shine a little light on this subject just so we can have closure. Other than that, I raise my glass to you. Have a Great life.


-With every word.

Fourth Month of the rest of our lives.

Define Your Relationship.

Hey Babe. Okay so I'm going to define our relationship and express my opinion on it. This relationship we have is by far the most serious relationship I've ever been on. I don't take it as a fling thing that happens just because I'm in college. I don't take it lightly as if I know it won't last. I don't take it for granted because I know at any given point in time it can fall apart if it is not nurtured properly. Our relationship is serious business. I see it as a priority believe it or not. It's not just an ordinary relationship, nor is it simple. It is complex, filled with obstacles, problems, equations, and unresolved thoughts that hunt our minds at night causing us another sleepless night. Yes I admit it. It's hard being in our relationship. It's challenging. It makes you work hard when you're feeling lazy. It makes you care when you're feeling nonchalant. It makes you forgive when you're angry. It's makes you swallow your pride and say "I Love You." Our relationship asks so much from the both of us. It stresses us out, tires us, frustrates us. It's been a crazy four months of our lives. All those years we were just bestfriends I never once thought we could argue. I never once thought I can make you cry. But this relationship of ours opened up new doors to new possibilities. It showed that our little perfect friendship isn't so perfect. It showed that even the most amazing person in our life can make you feel like shit. But even with these new sad experiences, a great emotion was born.

Our relationship has brought us love that we've never thought we could find until we looked at each other and said, "I Love You." Our relationship has brought us plenty of experiences that we've definitely benefited from. It gave us our best memories and perfect moments. It showed how strong we are when everyone doubted us. Our relationship has sunk, floated, cruised, and even flew. It's taken the both of us in plenty of places both physically and emotionally. Our relationship has opened us up to ourselves, It showed us side of us that we never knew was there. It changed our point of view on plenty of things such as marriage, kids, and the whole definition of LOVE. Our relationship has showed us that two people can show infinite amount of love for one another. It showed us that nothing is impossible. It showed us that we'll always find a way to make things work even if it means sacrificing certain things such as time and money. Our relationship has thought us a lot of things.

However, not every relationship is perfect, and ours is far from being perfect. My only problem is that you always and i mean always threaten to end our relationship whenever we get into a big argument. I mean yes, it gets my attention but it always breaks my heart and scares me shitless. Yes, I am honestly afraid of losing you. So whenever you tell me that we should just be friends or that maybe it is better to just move on or that you're thankful to have met and and thankful for everything I have done for you, my chest starts to feel heavy. It saddens me when I hear that from you. Because out of the people I have met, your happiness meant the most to me. You've always made me feel special, like I'm not like the rest of the people in this world who walks with no direction. You made me feel so alive, like I mattered. So please, all I ask is that when we have a fight, don't pull this on me. Unless it's something you really want.

But you know what, this relationship of ours is something I wouldn't trade for anything. I trust you and you trust me. Although most of the guys you hangout with clearly wants you and wants to get in your pants I still trust you. I just hope you don't allow these guys to take advantage of your friendly personality that I love so much. Our relationship is something people wish to have, that's why they try to ruin us because they want to have this relationship that only you can provide. But the funny thing is, no matter how many times they try to destroy us, they can never sink this ship. They may cause damage but not enough to destroy our whole relationship.

So, to my definition, our relationship is one of a kind. It's made from experience and wonderful moments that no one else can match. Our relationship revolves around unconditional love. Our relationship defines us. It's made us stronger, smarter, and quite frankly it made us believe that true love really do exist. Our relationships is something people search for their entire lives and never find it. Because they can never hold on long enough to realize that they have found what they're looking for, their significant other. And I'm glad we're both still holding on. I genuinely love you with everything I have to offer. <3 :]

Nerd Status.

Book list:

Before I fall by Lauren Oliver
Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles
The Maze Runner by Unknown
Frozen Fire by Bowler [currently reading]
Book 10 of Demonata(series) by Darren Shan

More to be added on that list.

My Darling Dear.

I look at you and I look at me,
And forever is what I see.
Darling dear together is how it's meant to be.
Standing close, standing near,
I promise you I'll always be here.
Holding you near, while i whisper into your ear,
just one more year my darling dear.

Because this one is still in progress.

Let's get poetic.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

- Mahatma Gandhi

"Pride will eat us all."

- Me.

Because it is time to stop burning bridges.